El periodista encontraba las formas más complicadas para reafirmar su egolatría.
En su incesante esfuerzo por impresionar a los demás publicaba en su columna notas como:
"Este verano he decidido no pasar mis vacaciones en Mindanao".
Cuando ni siquiera le alcanzaba para ir a la playa local.
Otra aparecía diciendo: "debo aclarar que contrario a lo que se dice, no terminé mis estudios para cirujano cerebral"
Pero el hecho es que tampoco los comenzó y no había quien clamara tal cosa.
Ciertamente que tenía ingenio para quedar bien por cosas que no había logrado.
ENGLISH VERSION.
The gossip columnist would find the most complicated ways to reaffirm his ego.
His relentless effort to impress others compelled him to publish statements such as this jewel:
"I have decided not to spend this summer vacation in Mindanao."
The fact was he couldn't even afford to spend them at the local beach.
Or this other one: "contrary to many of my readers letters, I want to clarify that I did not complete studies as a brain surgeon"
He just omitted saying he never started them either, and that no one really claimed such a thing.
But he certainly possesed ingenuity for shining for non accomplishment.
Tuesday, November 30, 2010
Tuesday, November 23, 2010
VISION. © Carlos de la Parra. (English and spanish versions, clic down to read.)
Con el disfraz de mendigo siguió a los que daban las vacunas gratis en varios sitios.
La investigación confirmó su sospecha. Junto con la vacuna les ponían un microchip que contenía el potente veneno de la serpiente Mamba africana.
A la hora que ellos decidían activarlo dentro de alguno de los inoculados, picaban un código en una computadora a la orden de : ---Márcale su salida del reloj.---
ENGLISH VERSION.
Disguised as a beggar he followed the crew that was applying the free flu shots in various sites.
He confirmed his suspicion. Along with the vaccine they were inoculating a tiny microchip containing the powerful poison of an african mamba.
Whenever they decided to activate it on someone whose number came up, they would enter the code in a computer upon getting the order:----Clock him out.----
La investigación confirmó su sospecha. Junto con la vacuna les ponían un microchip que contenía el potente veneno de la serpiente Mamba africana.
A la hora que ellos decidían activarlo dentro de alguno de los inoculados, picaban un código en una computadora a la orden de : ---Márcale su salida del reloj.---
ENGLISH VERSION.
Disguised as a beggar he followed the crew that was applying the free flu shots in various sites.
He confirmed his suspicion. Along with the vaccine they were inoculating a tiny microchip containing the powerful poison of an african mamba.
Whenever they decided to activate it on someone whose number came up, they would enter the code in a computer upon getting the order:----Clock him out.----
Friday, November 19, 2010
DELIRIUM. © Carlos de la Parra. (spanish and english versions, clic down to read extreme stories)
La noticia arrasó en todos los programas de televisión y en los diarios.
Alfonso De Gavis había ganado el premio de literatura.
Su agente corrió a casa del galardonado para sacarlo a celebrar, pues a últimas fechas había estado muy deprimido y neurótico, de seguro que éste triunfo lograría levantarlo.
Pero al llegar al edificio de apartamentos vió que había agitación entre los vecinos y algunos de sus muebles estaban en la calle despedazados. Le pusieron al tanto de los hechos. De Gavis enloqueció y lanzó los muebles desde el cuarto piso. De milagro que no mató al que reparte el pan en bicicleta con la cómoda de la sala que le estrelló en la llanta trasera, y todo el pan ahí regado,y se junta más gente y llegan reporteros con cámaras para tomar nota de todo lo ocurrido y otros que venían a cubrir entrevistas con el premiado. El mismo que había salido de ahí en camisa de fuerza a bordo de la ambulancia psiquiátrica. Su agente se regocijó ante lo afortunado que fué ése día para el autor.
Sabía que ésta noticia iba a hacer que las ventas del libro fuésen estratosféricas.
ENGLISH VERSION
It was all over the media.Alphonse De Gavis had won this years National literature prize.
His agent dashed to his home in the apartment complex. The author had been quite depressed as of recent days, now he would take him to celebrate at the nice place where everyone in the art world goes out to drink and dine. That would really lift his spirit.
But once he arrived it was all havoc. Neighbors queued up in groups gossiping at the events. Some of his furniture was in shreds all over the street, it was a miracle they said that he hadn't killed that man on a bycicle who delivers bread from the bakery when that large console hit his rear tire. Pastry strewn on the sidewalk.
They had to subdue him into a straight jacket and cart him away in a psychiatric ambulance.
By now reporters started flooding the area to cover the unfortunate events and being joined by others who had arrived to score an interview with the award winner.
His agent could not believe that Alphonse had taken this course in his fortune.
He rejoiced because he knew the book's sales would soar.
Alfonso De Gavis había ganado el premio de literatura.
Su agente corrió a casa del galardonado para sacarlo a celebrar, pues a últimas fechas había estado muy deprimido y neurótico, de seguro que éste triunfo lograría levantarlo.
Pero al llegar al edificio de apartamentos vió que había agitación entre los vecinos y algunos de sus muebles estaban en la calle despedazados. Le pusieron al tanto de los hechos. De Gavis enloqueció y lanzó los muebles desde el cuarto piso. De milagro que no mató al que reparte el pan en bicicleta con la cómoda de la sala que le estrelló en la llanta trasera, y todo el pan ahí regado,y se junta más gente y llegan reporteros con cámaras para tomar nota de todo lo ocurrido y otros que venían a cubrir entrevistas con el premiado. El mismo que había salido de ahí en camisa de fuerza a bordo de la ambulancia psiquiátrica. Su agente se regocijó ante lo afortunado que fué ése día para el autor.
Sabía que ésta noticia iba a hacer que las ventas del libro fuésen estratosféricas.
ENGLISH VERSION
It was all over the media.Alphonse De Gavis had won this years National literature prize.
His agent dashed to his home in the apartment complex. The author had been quite depressed as of recent days, now he would take him to celebrate at the nice place where everyone in the art world goes out to drink and dine. That would really lift his spirit.
But once he arrived it was all havoc. Neighbors queued up in groups gossiping at the events. Some of his furniture was in shreds all over the street, it was a miracle they said that he hadn't killed that man on a bycicle who delivers bread from the bakery when that large console hit his rear tire. Pastry strewn on the sidewalk.
They had to subdue him into a straight jacket and cart him away in a psychiatric ambulance.
By now reporters started flooding the area to cover the unfortunate events and being joined by others who had arrived to score an interview with the award winner.
His agent could not believe that Alphonse had taken this course in his fortune.
He rejoiced because he knew the book's sales would soar.
MENTAL LAXATIVE---LAXANTE MENTAL, © Carlos de la Parra.( Spanish and english versions,clic down to read)
Una vez que el actuario revisó la combinación de posibilidades entre ellas la crisis económica mundial llegó a la solución para eliminar todas las preocupaciones. Dejarlas que se diluyan solas después de la muerte.
Once the actuarian reviewed the combination of possibilities amongst them the world's economic crisis he arrived at a solution to eliminate all worries. Allow them to dilute themselves after death.
Once the actuarian reviewed the combination of possibilities amongst them the world's economic crisis he arrived at a solution to eliminate all worries. Allow them to dilute themselves after death.
Thursday, November 18, 2010
CONTRADICTION--© Carlos de la Parra. (English and spanish versions, Clic down to read) .
El profesor dijo en el salón:---No quiero caer en lo Freudiano y decir que todo tiene un trasfondo sexual, pero el caso que vamos a tratar claramente lo tiene.---
Y justo por establecer éste preámbulo cayó en lo Freudiano.
The professor was addressing the students and said: ---I don't want to be Freudian about this issue and state that everything has a sexual background, but what we are about to discuss definetely does have such a sexual implication.---
Inadvertently he had just gotten Freudian about it.
Y justo por establecer éste preámbulo cayó en lo Freudiano.
The professor was addressing the students and said: ---I don't want to be Freudian about this issue and state that everything has a sexual background, but what we are about to discuss definetely does have such a sexual implication.---
Inadvertently he had just gotten Freudian about it.
Thursday, November 11, 2010
INMORAL,© Carlos de la Parra. (spanish and english versions, clic down to read)
---Anda hijo, come pescado que está muy sabroso---
----Pero no me gusta el pescado mamá.----
---Si ni siquiera lo has probado. ¿Cómo que no te gusta?---
----Es que se me queda viendo con sus ojos tan grandes----
---Bien . Ahorá ya se los quité y me los comí. Ya no puede verte. Cómelo.---
----No, ahora menos.No sería moral que yo abuse de él porque está ciego.----
ENGLISH VERSION.
---Go ahead son. Eat your fish. Yum, it's so tasty.---
----But I don't like the fish mama.----
---How can you say that? You haven't even tasted it.---
----I don't like the way the fish stares at me with those big eyes----
---There. I ate them. Now he can't stare at you any longer. Eat your fish now.---
----Oh no mama. That would be inmoral. Taking advantage of the fact that he's blind.----
----Pero no me gusta el pescado mamá.----
---Si ni siquiera lo has probado. ¿Cómo que no te gusta?---
----Es que se me queda viendo con sus ojos tan grandes----
---Bien . Ahorá ya se los quité y me los comí. Ya no puede verte. Cómelo.---
----No, ahora menos.No sería moral que yo abuse de él porque está ciego.----
ENGLISH VERSION.
---Go ahead son. Eat your fish. Yum, it's so tasty.---
----But I don't like the fish mama.----
---How can you say that? You haven't even tasted it.---
----I don't like the way the fish stares at me with those big eyes----
---There. I ate them. Now he can't stare at you any longer. Eat your fish now.---
----Oh no mama. That would be inmoral. Taking advantage of the fact that he's blind.----
Friday, November 5, 2010
ALTER EGO. © Carlos de la Parra. Spanish and english versions. Clic down for more.
El escritor de micro relatos profirió la queja de que por haber publicado tantos de éstos, cada vez se alejaba más de la realidad. Su otro yo le contestó:--- ¿Realidad... y tú cuando tuviste alguna?
The author of micro stories expressed his complaint about setting himself progressively farther away from reality due to his writing so many of these. His alter ego shot back: ---Reality...and when did you ever had one?
The author of micro stories expressed his complaint about setting himself progressively farther away from reality due to his writing so many of these. His alter ego shot back: ---Reality...and when did you ever had one?
Monday, November 1, 2010
REVELATION--REVELACIÓN © Carlos de la Parra. English and spanish .Click down to find it.
Tuvo una revelación que lo dejó permanentemente en un trance de horror. La voz del cielo le dijo que todo estaba perfecto en el planeta tal como estaba.
He had a revelation that kept him permanently horrified. The voice from heaven told him that everything on the planet was perfect just the way it was.
He had a revelation that kept him permanently horrified. The voice from heaven told him that everything on the planet was perfect just the way it was.
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