Monday, December 28, 2009

THE DISCIPLE---EL DISCÍPULO copyright Carlos de la Parra.

El había nacido para ser discípulo,al igual que otros pudiesen haber venido al mundo para ser maestros,o toreros o escritores.Pero no él.El sencillamente no era ejecutante ,ni intértprete,ni prestaba enseñanza en disciplina alguna.Lo suyo éra vocación eterna para el aprendizaje.Y bien sabido era por todos,que anunciaba
en todos los diarios solicitando recibir todo tipo de clases particulares,en todas las artes y todas las ciencias.Por su puerta al salir la maestra de pintura se cruzaba con la llegada del profesor de mecánica;sin embargo,y a diferencia de lo que pudiese suponerse;él no contrataba a su servicio a los mejores,sino a los peores; para después poder culparlos por sus fallas como alumno.
fin....siga leyendo,entre más anteriores las historietas,son mejores...haga clic...
ENGLISH VERSION.

He was a born disciple.And just as others came into this world to teach,or perform or to be a leader of men;not him.His thing was to be always learning ;a never ending array of disciplines ,arts ,science,whatnot.
At his driveway,it was commonplace for the arts teacher to cross paths with the mechanics professor;and there were always ads in the local media ,with job offers for just about anybody that could teach anything ;but contrary to what anyone might suppose,he would not hire the best teachers available,but the worst; so he could blame them for his failure as a pupil.
The end...read on...older posts get progressibly better....what did you expect?
I just aged another half hour...feel free to comment.

Tuesday, December 22, 2009

URBAN CASUALTY----BAJA URBANA copyright Carlos de la Parra.

He was shot right outside of the convenience store,and he lied on the sidewalk trembling; his
friends were too scared to move him, lest he die if they did,so they just stared.The old guy from the hot dog stand was passing by pushing his cart,and he asked:"Is he drunk?"
---No...he got shot...three times,point blank....the ambulance is on the way...---

---No...no time for ambulance...look at him----the old geezer said as he tore off the victim's shirt and showed them the three bullet holes with blood oozing out of his chest.----Oh crap!...I'll have to waste my good stuff on him,otherwise he'll be feeding the stray cats in a few minutes.---

So he pulls out of the hot dog cart this large toothpaste like tube and removes ,the cap and
and plugs that stuff and squeezes it right into the punctures,it was like a thick green gel,once he filled all the injured areas with that ,he slapped him hard on the chest a few times,and the goo
popped out into the sidewalk with the three bullets in it.

The two kids looked in disbelief,as their friend came back to consciousness.
----What's that stuff you put in him?---

---Wound glue...that'll pull out a bullet and have the wound sealed and scarred in two minutes.--
---Gee thank you sir...you saved Billy's life---said the youngest one.

---I don't want your gratitude...I'm keeping the beer ---he said taking the six pack out of Billy's hands.

THE END.scroll down for more stories.Sigue versión en español.

El mozalbete yacía sobre la acera pálido y tembloroso.Sus dos compañeros lo miraban estáticos,
no querían moverlo por miedo a que se les muriese.En éso pasa el viejo cascarrabias de los hot-dogs,empujando el carrito ,y les pregunta:---¿Está borracho?---

---No...es que le acaban de pegar tres balazos a quemarropa...ya viene la ambulancia en camino...---

---No...que ambulancia ni que nada...con el tráfico de ésta hora en lo que llegan,éste ya va a servir sólo de alimento para buitres---,y diciendo y haciendo el anciano fué al carrito y sacó
algo que parecía un tubo grande de pasta dental,y le arrancó la camisa,quitó la tapa del tubo
y comenzó a exprimirla directamente en los agujeros del pecho,los cuales brotaban sangre con fuerza,y los rellenó de ésa como jalea espesa y verde,y procedió a pegar de palmazos en la pechuga del herido,y que bota para afuera las balas envueltas en el gel ése.El lesionado volvió en sí y permaneció ahí sentado en estado de estupor.

---¿Qué fué lo que le puso en las heridas señor?---

---Hombre...pues pegamento para heridas...con ésto salen las balas y en un par de minutos ya cicatrizó y está como nuevo---

---Gracias por salvar a Billy señor...----

----No me interesa su gratitud joven...me llevo las cervezas...---dijo arrancándole de la mano el paquete de seis latas que traía el herido.

FIN...siga leyendo,comente. Read on...comment...

Monday, December 21, 2009

TRUE CHRISTMAS SPIRIT---EL AUTÉNTICO ESPÍRITU NAVIDEÑO.copyright Carlos de la Parra.

Before he was executed he expressed his final will:
"My last wish ...is that you shoot Santa Claus in Disneyland..."

Antes de ser ejecutado,manifestó su última voluntad:
"Mi último deseo es que fusilen a Santa Claus en Disneylandia."

FINAL WILL

FINAL WILL

Friday, December 18, 2009

AT THE SCENE OF THE CRIME---EN EL LUGAR DEL CRIMEN. copyright Carlos de la Parra.

The young detective arrived at the Williams residence and tried to explain his tardiness was due to not being able to get through quickly to the house because of the large police and emergency services presence surrounding the area,not to mention the press that completed the Fellini set atmosphere.----Spare me any excuses kid...----said the old inspector.---I'm afraid we're gonna be interviewing some weirdos to find out who tried to split Mrs.Williams'skull in half.----
---Weirdos?...why's that?---asked the rookie,as he looked at the gory presence of the old woman face down on the white rug, with the ax embedded in the back of her skull,and the blood all around her head looking like a read aura.
---To begin with,Mrs.Williams belonged to a club that specialized in knitting sweaters with strange materials,such as nasal hair...----
---Yuk...how sick...---
---Right,so get ready to interview some of the donors,after we finish that task and once the people fom the morgue remove the body,you're coming to my home for dinner,wait 'till you taste the meatballs in tomato sauce that my wife prepares,you'll love them.

THE END.click on older posts,enjoy the humor and the drama.

El joven detective llegó con retraso al lugar del crimen,e intentó disculparse con el viejo inspector,quién gruñó las palabras---Evitame el pretexto...mejor prepárate para que pasemos aquí la tarde entrevistando gente bastante rara...---
--- ¿Rara?....¿en que forma?...---Preguntó el novato sin poder retirar la mirada del cuerpo de la vieja,que yacía boca abajo con un hacha encajada en la cabeza,en cuyo alrededor la sangre había
dibujado un aura roja,e intentaba dilucidar si éste escenario le resultaba Fellinesco o Almodovariano.
----Para comenzar te digo que la señora Williams pertenecía a un club de tejido que utilizaba materiales bizarros para elaborar las prendas,tales como pelo de fosas nasales...---
---Guácala que asco...--
---Exacto...y ahora vamos a interrogar a algunos de los donantes,a ver si nos dan alguna pista,
terminando éso,y una vez que se hayan llevado el cuerpo a la morgue,nos vamos a cenar a mi casa,pues mi esposa tiene preparadas unas albóndigas en salsa de tomate que te van a encantar.

FIN.haga clic más abajo y disfrute del humor y el drama

Thursday, December 17, 2009

MORE CANNIBAL STORIES----MÁS RELATOS DE CANÍBALES.copyright Carlos de la Parra.

---Yeah,---said the one armed man,---I also used to think cannibals were funny....

---Sí,---dijo el manco,---yo también pensaba que los caníbales eran tipos graciosos....

THE END. FIN.

The cannibal chief loved nice legs.

Al jefe canibal le encantaban las piernas hermosas.

THE END. FIN.

The cannibal said,:---- I ,would never have Jim for supper...,I prefer him as a friend...---

El caníbal dijo:---A Ramón jamás me lo comería...lo prefiero como amigo...----

THE END. FIN.

Now I must add my sincere apologies to the art of literature,for having written all my cannibal stories with the punch line always centered on cannibalism,it is as bad as having all vampire stories centered on blood sucking,I leave this for all writers to reflect upon,perhaps a story of a cannibal as a race driver,or as a lonely person;which they are, after all,once they have eaten everyone else: see,here I go again...

Ahora,en autocrítica,pido disculpas a la literatura por haber centrado todos mis relatos de caníbales acerca del tema de comerse al prójimo,ésto es tan falto de ingenio como escribir historietas de vampiros que invariablemente traten acerca de chupar sangre.
Dejo ésto como reflexión a todos ,digamos quizás la narrativa acerca de un caníbal corredor de autos,o uno que sufre de tremenda soledad,claro está después de haberse comido a cuantos le rodeaban,¿Lo ven?..Ahí voy de nuevo con lo mismo...

IF YOU READ HERE ,SEARCH THROUGH BECAUSE IT IS SIMULTANEOUSLY IN TWO LANGUAGES.-AQUÍ EN ESTE SITIO BUSQUE BIEN PARA ENCONTRAR LAS MICROHISTORIAS NARRADAS EN ESPAÑOL Y EN INGLÉS--HAGA CLIC EN OLDER POSTS Y SIGA BUSCANDO EL EXTASIS DE LA LECTURA EXTREMA.

AND MAY I ADD,THAT ALL THE STORIES NOT ONLY ARE PRESENTED IN BILINGUAL FORMAT,BUT ALSO DESIGNED TO REACH EVERY TYPE OF MIND ,IF YOU ARE AN IDIOT IT WILL READ LIKE AN IDIOTIC STORY,BUT IF YOU ARE INTELLIGENT YOU MAY FIND AS MANY DIMENSIONS AS YOUR MENTAL RANGE ALLOWS.

Y DEBO AGREGAR ,QUE TODAS ÉSTAS HISTORIAS VIENEN TANTO EN PRESENTACIÓN DE AMBAS LENGUAS,ASÍ COMO EN FORMATO DE CAPTACIÓN MENTAL PARA TODO TIPO DE MENTES,SI OCURRE QUE USTED ES UN IDIOTA,LE PARECERÁN HISTORIAS PARA IDIOTAS,PERO SI SE ENCUENTRA DOTADO DE UN NIVEL DE INTELIGENCIA MÁS ELEVADO,PODRÁ PROFUNDIZAR EN ELLAS SEGÚN LO QUE SU RANGO MENTAL ALCANCE.siga leyendo más abajo vendrán más de 90 micro historias en español.

THE HOUSE. copyright Carlos de la Parra.

He was warned on repeated occasions not to enter the house,but he wouldn't listen.As soon as he was all the way up the stairs,the house started chewing him up as if he were a piece of gum.All the walls were splattered with his blood,and then it spit him out the window and flung him to the tracks ,allowing the train to do the final grind.It would be excessive to say more.

LA CASA.copyright Carlos de la Parra.

Él fué advertido en repetidas ocasiones,que debía evitar entrar a la casa.Pero no hizo caso.En cuanto él se vió arriba de la escalera central,la casa procedió a masticarlo cómo si se tratase de un chicle.Todas las paredes se rociaron con su sangre,y luego fué arrojado por la ventana del segundo piso hacia las vías,y fué ahí que el tren le dió la segunda molida.Contarles más sería excesivo.

Saturday, December 12, 2009

THE READER--EL LECTOR copyright Carlos de la Parra.

Fué causa de  tremenda agonía en su vida admitir que su vocación consistía ser un lector incomprendido.

It was total agony when he realized that his true vocation in life was to be a misunderstood reader.

Friday, December 11, 2009

WORDS OF WISDOM--PALABRAS SABIAS. copyright by Carlos de la Parra.

The best friends you will ever have,you will find them in the internet,specially if you never get to meet them.

Las mejores amistades que puedas tener,las conseguirás a través del internet,especialmente si jamás llegas a conocerlos.

I'VE BEEN LOST INTO THE INTERNET BUT WILL SOON RETURN.-HE ESTADO PERDIDO DENTRO DEL INTERNET PERO YA VENGO DE REGRESO.

To all readers of this blog,and the rest of the people who do not read it,but nevertheless stare at it,I will tell you about a site you should try called bukisa.Find me in there as GLORYSTORY,so as you can see although I was not posting here ,I was still involved into the writing life,in my intense effort to be detected as
the person to hire for the writing job ,or the movie script.Which perseverance and time and my connection with entity # 337,who sends me these stories by telepathy from the far limits of the galaxy next door,that and striving to surmount all my technical ignorance as a webmaster,which could be afforded so easily to us non techies by supplying us with a phone number where they could give us assistance through an old fashioned telephone call.Check this bukisa place and join,they will even pay you for writing there,go into GLORYSTORY and find a link in there to join,otherwise just give me your comments.
VERSION EN ESPAÑOL.
A todos los lectores de éste blog,y así mismo a las personalidades extremas que no lo leen pero sí se lo quedan viendo,les diré que estuve en un sitio que merece la pena leer se llama bukisa.Encuéntrenme ahí en GLORYSTORY,y verán que aunque estuviése ausente de éste sitio,prestaba allá mis esfuerzos dentro del ramo de la ficción desesperada.Ahí en bukisa hasta le pagan a uno por escribir,busque un link ahí mismo en GLORYSTORY y díganles que les recomiendo yo y podrán publicar hasta las recetas de su abuelita.
Si no les interesa por lo menos sean bienvenidos a éste otro sitio y denme sus comentarios para saber que opinan.Recuerden que las mejores amistades se logran a través del internet,especialmente si uno no llega jamás a conocerlos.

Saturday, December 5, 2009

An extract remarks a north

Friday, December 4, 2009

EGOBERT AND EGOLINA,TRUE LOVE. copyright Carlos de la Parra.

I was their next door neighbor at the beach condo,so from the balcony I could clearly listen to all their bickering, always at each other's throat.You could hear jewels like......

-----You know what's the matter with you Egolina?...You have a big ego!......----

----Say...I have a big ego?...Do you mean?...Like you have no ego?.....

-----Yes!....but my ego is beautiful!....----

EGOLINA Y EGOBERTO,AMOR VERDADERO.

Yo fuí su vecino de junto en el condominio de Marbella,así que desde el balcón escuchaba claramente joyas como ésta.......

-----¿Sabes cual es el problema contigo Egolina?...que tienes un ego desmedido... ----

----¿Queee?....y tratas de decirme que tú no tienes un ego?...----

----¡Sí!..¡.pero mi ego es bellísimo!...---

VACATION TRAVEL IN THE YEAR 3000. copyright Carlos de la Parra.

My 13 year old grandson convinced me to go on a trip on his spaceship, to the unseen area of the universe.
I really didn't feel like traveling that far,but if I had refused,he would have gone by himself,so to avoid staying behind worrying until he came back,I climbed on board.Man that saucer could speed a few thousand miles an hour,but nothing to worry about because it had "anti crash",that is collision rejective technology.
But I should have known better than falling asleep as he piloted;before I knew what was going on he had flown us into a black hole and the vaccum tripled our speed every three minutes times three,and it got scary as hell,I remembered stories of kids that got on one of those space tunnels and wound up getting absorbed by the sun until they went beyond ashes and turned into fire,but he assured me that wouldn't happen ,and if it did there was really nothing he could do about it until we got out of that no control zone.
I knew better than to argue with him,he was already in college; because nowadays education allows you to enroll in a university at any time you feel ready to study anything;the world government pays for all that because it figures it keeps the young out of trouble and blowing up entire city blocks before anyone knows what's going on.
So to make a long story short we wound up on a planetoid right in the middle of nowhere and our radio signal wasn't reaching anyone,I started griping that we would spend the rest of our lives in this strange world
populated only by weird lizards,and the dogs kept barking at them and would drive me crazy; but he assured me none of that would happen because technology was advancing nowadays at lightning speed,and the neighbors knew we would be back after the vacation season ,and once they list us as missing persons someone would find us.It was just a matter of four to five weeks time so we might as well enjoy the swimming,the 12 color sunsets,and hunting for lizards which didn't taste bad at all.
He was right about the technology advances,but it didn't take six weeks to find us,it was rather like eight months,fortunately during that time two beautiful models managed to get stranded in the same planetoid so
we were not so lonesome any more.
The guy from space rescue arrived and told us about how they found us through a device that they recently invented ,on which they picked up the sound waves of the dogs barking,they matched them from our home movies we had on file at world central computer.
Our ship was recycled because it was deemed a total loss by the insurance company,my grandson went back to college,and I went back to my simple life tomato farming in outer space,but the first thing I did when I got back was put a claim on ten thousand acres on the planetoid,which I had a right to under space law for being the first one to land there,so I'm going back there next summer because I partnered up with a food company that's going to market my iguana burgers.By the way my grandson researched in the computer and
found out that the planetoid we've been to had been known as planet earth,before it was destroyed by a greedy,and weird primitive society,that ran that world.You would never think that could happen in such a beautiful place.
                                                      THE END.  read on more than 83 microstories.Most shorter ones.

Thursday, December 3, 2009

THE CHOSEN ONE. copyright Carlos de la Parra.

There must have been about 50 applicants for the position of radio talk show host,all of them waiting for the manager in charge of broadcasting;he should have arrived over two hours ago;about another 25 had left ,guessing he would not come in,so when he did get there,this made them more eager to be the chosen one;they all swarmed around him desperately competing for the job,all their voices clashed ,each one giving his opinion of why he was best suited to be the voice of the radio show,and the most frequenly repeated words were I and me,---listen to me---,---it so happens that I--- ---I...I....me...me...you see ,I...---,and with they all trying to upstage each other it turned into a deafening frenzy of egos----You see I...if you hire me..here's what I bring....I will do a great job...listen to me----
But there was one of them sitting by the entrance of the manager's office,quiet and poised,staring serenely at the madness of the moment,noticing this distinguished presence,the boss freed himself from all the contenders,grabbed the tranquil young man by the arm ,and invited him inside the office,as he yelled at all the others ---He gets the job!...Out!...Everyone out now!---
They left griping and moaning,and you could still hear, I and me,as the most repeated words.
And once they were left alone inside the office ,the manager said grumpily:---You get the job...be ready to start tomorrow night...----
The young man made said nothing,and handed him a little card with an image and a note that read:"I am deaf mute,buy this little stamp from me and get many blessings".
The manager handed him a dollar bill,and as he left,he saw that it was an image of an angel on horseback.
THE END.search for more stories.next spanish version

EL ELEGIDO.

Los aspirantes al puesto de comentarista de opinión radiofónica,se encontraban algo inquietos por la larga espera,pues el gerente de radio difusión con quien todos tenían cita para entrevistarse,llevaba un par de horas de retraso,de hecho solo permanecían 50 de los 75 que había en un principio,pues de éstos muchos desesperados partieron.
Así que al ingresar por quien aguardaban,se lanzaron sobre él como un enjambre de avispas,todos dando voces en pro de sí mismos,y entre la algarabía se escuchaba con frecuencia la repetición de las palabras,:----Yo...yo...mi...de mi ...es que yo ,yo,yo ,yo...----;cada uno tratando de venderle la idea de que su talento era el óptimo y el más merecedor de ser elegido para el puesto en disputa.Y lo acosaban con documentos que contenían sus brillantes historiales,y carpetas con fotos y reseñas de sus éxitos,y seguían con la cantaleta---Mire...es que yo...escúcheme a mí....atiéndame que yo...---,y el griterío se tornó en un frenesí de yo,yo,yo,sencillamente insoportable.
En contraste,sentado en una silla que estaba junto a la puerta del privado del directivo,permanecía tranquilo e impávido ,un joven de agradable mirada,quien pacientemente aguardaba su turno para ser recibido.
El jefe captó ésta actitud y de un grito echó fuera a todos los que ya lo tenían atarantado con tanta exigencia,y tomo del brazo al joven y les dijo con firmeza:---¡Él se queda con el empleo!...
Los demás pueden irse...----
Y partieron renegando y ladrando que yo,es que yo ,él no entiende que yo,y más y más yo sin cesar.
Ya una vez dentro de su despacho le dijo al joven---Preséntese a trabajar mañana mismo,al turno de noche...---
Por única respuesta el joven le entregó una estampita junto con una nota que indicaba:
"Soy sordomudo,cómpreme ésta estampita y reciba muchas bendiciones".
El gerente le dió un billete de un dólar,y lo vió partir,y al ver la estampa contempló que se trataba de la imagen de un ángel montado a caballo.
FIN

Wednesday, December 2, 2009

SWEET LITTLE CAMILA .copyright Carlos de la Parra.

The first indication that little Camila was a lesbian,came at age 5 when she got a doll house for Christmas,and the first thing she did is mount it with a machine gun nest,and started playing swat attack in it with some toy soldiers,but they confirmed this when she said she wanted another doll to move in with Barbie.

LA DULCE CAMILITA.

El primer indicio de que la pequeña Camila era lesbiana,apareció a la edad de 5 años cuando en navidad le regalaron una casa de muñecas,y lo primero que hizo fué montarle un nido de ametralladoras y se puso a jugar al asalto con comandos,pero cuando finalmente disiparon la duda fué cuando pidió otra muñeca para que se mudase a vivir con Barbie.


From sick tenderness series.

TENTH ROUND IS ALMOST OVER. copyright Carlos de la Parra.

If there was anything he despised,was getting a punch or a slap from anyone,this precisely was the trait that turned him into a world champion.
                                           THE END.
EL DÉCIMO ROUND YA CASI TERMINA.
Algo que sencillamente no podía soportar,era que alguien le golpeáse o le pusiera una mano encima,fué precisamente ésta cualidad la que lo convirtió en campeón mundial.
                                                             FIN. read more.lea más.

Boxing implies that you possess a talent for facial redesign,

El boxeador debe poseer un talento inato para la redecoración facial.

WRITER'S KNOW HOW copyright Carlos de la Parra.

He was a very experienced writer,he would publish all his great stuff under his own name,and the bad stuff under a pseudonym.When he had to attend a reading for one of his worst works,he would wear a wrestler's mask to avoid recognition.
                                              THE END.

ESCRITOR COLMILLUDO.

Él era un escritor muy con mucha experiencia,y publicaba sus mejores obras bajo su propio nombre,pero las malitas las lanzaba al mercado bajo un pseudónimo,y si resultaba invitado a leer en público alguna de éstas peorcitas se presentaba con máscara de luchador para evitar que lo reconociésen.
                                                                      FIN.

Read on. more than 80 microstories each one better than the other.
Siga leyendo .Más de 80 micro historias para disfrutar o curar el mal humor,y hasta una gripe.

WORDS FROM A DESPERATE HOUSEWIFE copyright Carlos de la Parra

AND HE LEFT INTO THE INTERNET TO NEVER RETURN.
The end.

Palabras de una esposa desesperada.

Y SE METIÓ AL INTERNET PARA NUNCA VOLVER.
Fin.
Keep searching this blog,and enjoy more micro stories about life on the extreme edge.

Encuentre en éste blog más microhistorias surgidas de la orilla extrema de la mente.

Eulogy for a unique comedian. Copyright Carlos de la Parra.

And we gather here to say good bye to this great gentleman ,a man that occupied a unique place in the world of comedy;due to the fact that most comedians strive to make us laugh,but not him,he would always manage to make us smile.

TRIBUTO A UN GRAN COMEDIANTE.

Y henos aquí presentes en fúnebre despedida de éste gran caballero;un hombre que ocupó un sitio exclusivo en los recuerdos del público,ya que la mayoría de los comediantes compiten por hacernos reír,pero en cambio él,luchó siempre por hacernos sonreír.

Tuesday, December 1, 2009

spanish version UN DIA MÁS E LA CADENA ALIMENTICIA copyright Carlos de la Parra.

Obtener el premio Nóbel de literatura fué algo muy especial para mí,valga la obviedad que implique expresar ésto.Otros escritores estelares lo veían como una consecuencia natural de su desarrollo laboral;y en los anecdotarios no llegaron a faltar hasta comentarios de desprecio hacia dicha presea.Y llegaban a ironizar que recibir el millón de dólares no estaba mal,aunado al hecho de que crecerían las regalías;y por supuesto que no faltaban los que no resultaban considerados aún mereciéndolo;pero tal es la naturaleza de toda premiación;la política acaba siempre haciendo acto de presencia,y juegan más factores de los que deberían para que te conviertan en un elegido.
En el caso que atañe a mi persona y del cual aquí doy cuenta;al estar sentado en compañía de los demás asistentes a la ceremonia,el escuchar mi nombramiento me llegó con efecto de sonido similar a una reverberación con eco tipo cine;con cierto grado de sonrojo admito que sentí una alegría que llevé al exceso y procedí hacia la escalinata que iba al escenario para proceder a la ceremonia de aceptación y mi consiguiente discurso.Iba yo francamente en estado de trance, y créanme que no me calaba tanto ni el millón de verdes,ni la gloria del momento,sino algo muy personal;llaménlo justificación,autovaloración recuperada o lo que gusten;pero toda mi vida ,yo había sido :el hijo pobre de la familia rica,y perdón por haber sacado mi cocodrilo a pasear,pero tuve que sufrir el desprecio de la propia familia de la cual yo provenía con muchos integrantes de mi sangre mirándome hacia abajo,sólo por el hecho de no unirme a ser un adorador del becerro de oro,despreciando en múltiples ocasiones mi compañía debido a mi pobreza económica,y ser excluídos de fiestas en casa de mi padre,mi esposa ,hijos y aquí su servidor,con la consecuente referencia a mi persona como el inadaptado,debido a mi dedicación a las letras,y a todos los demás trabajitos infames a los que un artista tiene que someterse para sobrevivir.
Y ahora ésto...era como ser rescatado de nuevo hacia la dignidad,de hoy en adelante ser ungido con el Nóbel me convertía en honorable y reconocido genio de las letras universales,...y ésto
estaba tan bien...tan bien les digo...que al ascender los escalones que llevaban al podio,sentíame flotando entre nubes.
Y entonces ante mí ,la reina y el rey de Suecia,y el resto de los dignatarios y los demás laureados; veo que todos me sonreían;cada paso me llevaba a través de un umbral invisible que me daba un espacio de absoluta seguridad;más allá de toda humillación y de la esclavitud legal que muchos practican olímpicamente contra sus congéneres
Al llegar al último escalón sucedió un hecho de lo más extraño,tuve la sensación de que el salón completo comenzaba a girar como atrapado por un tornado,y fué cuando comenzó mi caída hacia atrás causando que yo atravezase el vacío desplomándome de espaldas en cámara lenta,y debido a ésto deduje que yo estaba sufriendo un desmayo,que me produjo sentir un viaje semiconciente en caída libre,y de ahí en adelante se desató una secuencia de regresiones en las cuales durante cada segundo que pasaba mi vida corría como una película proyectada al revés,del presente hacia el pasado y fuí a mi juventud,mi niñez,pasé a ser un bebé ,y en ésos momentos capté con tremenda lucidez que estaba viviendo dentro de ése cliché donde el hombre vé toda su vida entera y deduje que seguiría mi deceso mortal,y no fué así sino que la regresión continuó de bebé a feto, a espermatozoide,a cro-magnon,a neandertal,y luego a simio,y en ése justo instante caí en cuenta que me encontraba en una pesadilla Darwiniana.
FIN...siga leyendo 76 historias más.Clic en comments

spanish version,see previous in english UN DIA MÁS EN LA CADENA ALIMENTICIA copyright Carlos de la Parra.

Monday, November 30, 2009

euphonious flavoured crisps, with real euphonious pieces

JUST ANOTHER DAY IN THE FOOD CHAIN copyright Carlos de la Parra.

Getting the Nobel Prize in literature was something very special to me.Other star writers had thought it was just another natural consequence of their stardom,and the million dollars down payment wasn't bad ,plus all the  royalties they would get,and then  the ones who were left out when they should deserve it,but such is the nature of awards,you can not escape politics and many factors get weighed in to make you the chosen one,and incredibly so,specially to me as I was sitting at the ceremony ,and hearing my name called produced something akin to a movie sound effect reverbaration in my ears,it is embarrasing to admit so much joy at being laureated in one's own profession, but I was in a trance,and proceeded to walk to the stage to give my acceptance speech,and believe me,it was not so much the million bucks and the glory,but something more personal,call it justification ,call it whatever you want,but all my life I had been ,
:the poor son of the rich family,all of them always looking down on me because I never wanted to spend my life in adoration of the golden calf,shunning me because of my poverty,not having myself or my wife and kids invited to parties at my father's house,always referring towards me as some sort of misfit because of my dedication to writing,and to all the other gigs that any poor artist must go through to survive,and now this.....it is like being rescued back into dignity,from now on this annointment turned me into an honorable ,bona fide,recognized genius,and this felt good,so good, that walking up the steps that led to the podium was a bit like floating on a heavenly cloud:
and then I saw the faces of the queen and the king of Sweden,and the rest of the dignitaries along with the other Nobel winners ,they all smiled at me;it was like croossing a treshold that led me into a secure zone,beyond all the humiliation,all the crappy little jobs that had taught me the toils of suvival in everyday life.
As I set my foot on the top tier ,the entire room seemed to spin around me as if trapped by a tornado,and that's when I started to fall backwards,feeling my flight going in slow motion,perhaps I had already fainted and lost consciousness,so that explained my long drop in mid air and the sensation that I had been pushed down from the top of a skyscraper and gone into a non stop descent into a vaccum,and as I fell,every second turned into a regression of my own past,yes ,now I had become a spectator of that old cliché of a dying person watching one's own life like a movie reel going backwards,and went back into childhood,then as a baby,and right then every sequence sped so fast it was the exact instant when I knew that death had arrived and robbed my gift of triumph for me to enjoy,getting consolation only from the thought that my passing away on such a stage would enlarge my own story,into a legend.But no ,the fall continued past babyhood ,to fetus,to sperm,to cro-magnon and to the monkey,and then I realized that the whole thing was only a Darwinian nightmare.
                                                                         THE END...READ BELOW 76 MORE STORIES....

Sunday, November 29, 2009

TRUE REMEDY FOR BALDNESS AT LAST! copyright Carlos de la Parra.

FLASH!----John Gennaro dedicated his entire professional life to research into hair loss and baldness,and he finally isolated key substances found in extremely hairy animals,and developed the cathalizer to achieve controlled human hair growth with a 100% success result on each of the more than 325 volunteers that participated in the trial test of this formula.The patent has been sold for an undisclosed amount in hundred million dollars range reported figure.
Mr.Gennaro who had suffered from baldness most of his adult life,and personally joined the experimental trials himself,and obtained abundant and strong hair growth on his head,but to everyone's surprise upon his terminal injury status from automobile accident in a Ferrari crash when he was with his girlfriend,a well known top model,he requested that his head be shaved prior to his soon to be funeral so everyone assisting can remember him the way he always was.
THE END. read more below past spanish version.

FINALMENTE SE DESCUBRE EL REMEDIO CONTRA LA CALVICIE.

¡FLASH!----John Gennaro,el investigador que dedicó sus esfuerzos por más de dos décadas a obtener la solución contra la calvicie por fin lo consiguió convirtiéndose en la figura del momento en círculos científicos,debido a que los más de 325 voluntarios que fueron sometidos a las aplicaciones de su fórmula,lograron inusitados resultados de 100% de éxito en adquirir sano y permanente crecimiento capilar. Sus experimentos se concentraron en aislar substancias contenidas en animales peludos ,aúnados a un catalizador que logró la aceptación en humanos.Se supo que el Sr.Gennaro vendió la fórmula en una cifra inicial superior a 100 millones de dólares,pero ésta cantidad se estima quede rebasada por lo que recibirá mensualmente por concepto de regalías de ventas del producto.El famoso inventor padeció la calvicie desde su temprana juventud e inició ésta ardua tarea de investigación ,cuyo éxito lo tiene convertido en el hombre del momento.
Por los televisores de todo el planeta se aprecian las imágenes del terrible accidente que sufrió hace unas cuantas horas, John de Gennaro,quien guíaba su Ferrari camino a Roma en compañía de su novia una famosa top model,y sus declaraciones que hizo desde el hospital ante su próxima muerte causada por destrozos irreparables en órganos internos,en que pidió que le afeiten totalmente la cabeza para su funeral pues desea ser recordado tal como era conocido por la mayor parte de quienes le conocieron antes de adquirir su cabellera.
FIN.la cosa se está poniendo pelona aquí en las microhistorias,siga leyendo más abajo y comente en la que considere la mejor.

HOW TO BE EVERYONE'S FRIEND. copyright Carlos de la Parra.

This you are about to read might seem shallow,but if you cultivate friendhip with everyone you meet,but at the same time make sure to keep all relationships strictly superficial,you will enjoy the social nature of friendship to a higher extent than if you become too close to people,because it seems to be human nature to devaluate ones they know too well.If you mark your limits ,and share the best in you by giving,not taking from others,you will spare yourself a lot of humiliation that people that know you too closely,somehow figure that they have a right to inflict on you.Of course if you are fortunate,you will meet a few exceptions.
REFLECT ON THIS.

COMO SER AMIGO DE TODO MUNDO.

Esto que usted comienza aleer podrá en principio parecerle poco profundo.Pero si se hace la costumbre de cultivar la amistad de todos quienes le rodean,siempre dando lo mejor de sí mismo y no quitándo,entonces poseerá el privilegio de disfrutar el sociable placer de la amistad humana,más allá de lo que logran quienes se acercan demasiado a los demás,pues éstos debido a una falla en la apreciación de los otros conlleva a que éstos imaginen que por conocernos tanto adquieren el derecho a perdernos el respeto.Increíble,pero logra amistades más sólidas en número quien se hace el hábito de mantenerlas superficiales.Claro que siendo afortunado conocerá algunas exepciones.
REFLEXIONE ACERCA DE ÉSTO.

Saturday, November 28, 2009

SELF CONSCIOUS copyright Carlos de la Parra

He told his daughter
----That's nonsense sweetheart...you're not ugly...they're jealous of you cause you're so pretty...
go to the party...listen ,just give your face a close shave and I'll drive you to your friend's birthday...

LE DIJO A SU HIJA:
----Tonterías nena...no eres fea...les causa celos que seas tan bonita...anda ,vé a la fiesta...mira hija,date una buena afeitada en la cara y yo paso a dejarte al cumpleaños de tu amiga...

Friday, November 27, 2009

THE READING AT THE MICROSTORIES FINAL AUDITIONS .copyright Carlos de la Parra.

The auditorium was full to the extremest ,even standing room was scarce.The contestants of "The microstorython had been reading their best works to an audience that was energized by all the great shows of the creative artists that appeared before them.A wild display of the magic of imagination ,kept getting big rounds of applause ,a tall skinny fellow read out loud a tale in which the pope had to be parachuted from an airplane to save his life and had been captured by a tribe of mongols who enslaved him and forced him to work in a circus; a medicine student rendered a story about a guy that had performed an operation where he removed part of a dictator's intestine successfully ,but later after the tyrant died ,he had to flee on a camel that took him across the dessert,and all the while he thought he was lost but the beast found his way out on his own recollection of the route to a port where he had to sell this noble animal to pay for shipping out to freedom,and the story ended with the camel spitting on his face.Also there was a girl that had everybody in tears when she read about a cannibal that starved to death instead of having the woman he loved for dinner.Literally,you understand.A well dressed gentleman was the last one,and he got a great standing ovation when he expressed the final sentence---"Love is everything!..."  and then let out the loudest scream you've ever heard,and everyone considered this a genial effect,only to later find out that a bee had stung his right nostril.
                                                                    THE END. seek more stories below.70 more in english.

LA LECTURA DE AUDICIÓN FINAL DE LAS MICROHISTORIAS.

El auditorio estaba a reventar,ya no había espacio ni para estar de pié.Los concursantes del maratón de micro historias habían dado lectura de sus mejores obras a un público fascinado por la gran variedad de relatos que deleitaban los oídos de todos los presentes.Y encima era un grupo conocedor.
Hubo un cuento qué narrado por su autor,un tipo flaco,contaba las peripecias que tuvo que vivir un papa que es lanzado en paracaídas desde un avión que se desploma y luego se vé capturado por una tribu de mongoles,quienes lo esclavizan y lo forzan a trabajar en un circo.
Luego vino el turno de un estudiante de medicina que nos cuenta su recuerdo de como sin tener todavía el título de médico,se ve en la situación en que tiene que operar a un temible dictador por no estar nadie presente que pudiese atender la emergencia,y como la operación resulta exitosa y le salva la vida al tirano,quien horas después fallece obligándolo a huír en un camello robado que lo interna en el desierto donde siente que está perdido y va hacia una muerte espantosa ,pero en un giro de fortuna el camello sólo ,encuentra el rumbo al mar,y ya en el puerto se vé forzado a vender a la noble bestia para costear su pasaje de barco,y termina contándonos como el camello le escupió  la cara en despedida.
También hubo una chica quien tuvo a todos llorando de emoción ante la tierna historia de un caníbal que prefirió morir de hambre antes que cenarse a su enamorada.
El último en pasar,fué un caballero elegante,quién terminó su dicurso diciendo en voz muy alta: "¡El amor lo es todo!"...y luego de decir esto ha dado un grito desgarrador ,el cual todos consideraron  como un efecto genial,pero luego se enteraron que una abeja le había picado la fosa nasal derecha.
                                                                                    FIN. lea más ,aquí hay 70 microhistorias para usted.

Thursday, November 26, 2009

SOLUTIONS TO THE WORLD PROBLEMS #1 by Carlos de la Parra.

It is easy to gripe,moan ,complain,howl and add to the drama ,but that is not what our world is needing.We need solutions now.So from today with this solutions number one I begin to post on the blogosphere some of these highly needed solutions,with the clear understanding that I may not be the most qualified individual to dictate what should be done,so I welcome those with a higher vision of the facts,to come forward,I will post everything that you readers may want to include in the comment session,the only moderation I will do is in not posting multiple repetitions of the same idea,but will list all the credits of those that coincide.
It works like this:Name a problem you are aware of,and name a solution.Example:
GRAFFITTI; SOLUTION;Have city calculate cost of resources spent on graffitti erasing,and assign the most qualified graffitti artists to teach the taggers a true art form,and assign walls in areas in need of painting,and delegating the duties of stopping ilegal graffiti to the same artists,thus freeing the duties of the police to work in their crime fighting missions,once you empower these artists,they will perform a better control of the surveillance against unsightly,non artistic defacement of surfaces.
THIS IS ONLY AN EXAMPLE,everyone is welcome to point out problems of higher priorities,along with the proposed solutions.Look in previous post on this site an example of the cleanup that took place in Stuttgart,Germany,where the entire civilian population solved the assignment with a zero cost.
OTHERWISE REVIEW ONE OF OUR SEVENTY POSTINGS TO ENHANCE YOUR READING ENJOYMENT THROUGH THE MICROSTORIES. Thank you for your greatness,everyone.

THE LAUGHTER CLUB---EL CLUB DE LA RISA copyright Carlos de la Parra.

Larry Kelso belonged to one of those laughter clubs where the theory was that laughter  is so good for your health and heals the body,no matter if the laughter is not genuine,you just force yourself to laugh and it's  great for your all around well being.

So one day he was totally startled by a psychiatric ambulance that arrived by his home.
He went outside and the paramedics had his sister,Vicky,in a gurney inside the ambulance,and she was having the worst attack of roaring laughter you could ever witness.

---What's wrong with her?...---Larry asked.

----I am afraid that she went crazy...mad with insanity...---

In reply to that Larry began breaking out the loudest hilarious reponse ,just could not stop laughing.

He had also become insane.

                                                            THE END. this is really a tragedy,not something to laugh about but you must admit it causes guilty laughter. Search all the way down and read some stories,fun to read.Click on older posts,you can read all of them in an hour.Your comments will spur me to do a better or worse job.

Versión en español de EL CLUB DE LA RISA.

Manuel Mogollón había fundado un club de la risa.

Era una de éstas modernas asociaciones donde se esgrimía la teoría de que reír beneficiaba a tu cuerpo entero y tu sistema nervioso,toníficándolo por medio de la práctica de la carcajada,no importando si se tratase de una risa forzada,pues el organismo de cualquier forma adquiría el beneficio de ésta terapia de risa.

Por éso un día se vió impactado por la sorpresa al presentarse en su casa una ambulancia,en cuyo interior yacía su hermana Patricia sufriendo un ataque incontrolable de risa histérica.

---¿Qué le pasó?---preguntó Manuel.

----Así la encontramos riendo sin cesar....me temo que se ha vuelto loca...---

Y Manuel comenzó a carcajearse en desternillante manera,causando sorpresa su reacción.

Él también se había vuelto loco.
                                                      FIN.  ésto en verdad no es chistoso,más bien trágico pero no deja de provocarnos una risa culpable.

MOTHER.

Althogh this has been said about many men,the only one that had no mother was Adam.

Aunque a muchos se les achaca ésto, el único que no tuvo madre fué Adán.

A MUST READ FOR ALL WHO EVER WENT TO A THANKSGIVING DINNER.copyright by Carlos de la Parra.

My cousin Dolly ,who lives in this dreamlike forest setting in Healdsburg,California,organizes and prepares Thanksgiving reunions,that are totally legendary,not only for the warmth and providing the glue that binds 50 to 60 family and friends joined at the table,and extending this invitation to guests that are usually exchange students in the wine industry,in which she has worked for many years.So although my wife and myself were unable to join everyone at the table this year for reasons involving distance and a tight work schedule,nevertheless we send our love,to Dolly,Charlie,all the aunts ,cousins and friends.
BUT HERE IS THE THAKSGIVING MICROSTORY FOR THE WHOLE WORLD TO ENJOY.

The turkey,the yams,the fabulous cheeses,the veggies and wine and desserts,were before us and like millions of thanksgiving celebrators all over the U.S.A. we proceeded to stuff our faces forgetting about any diet,this was not the time to dwell into that,this moment along with the Christmas and holidays was part of the great end of the year eating marathon that we are yearly blessed with.
The next morning,and as I share this with all of you readers,and I hope you are not at this moment eating,
to put in elegant fashion,I went to the bathroom,and disposed of my digestive bowel evacuation.To say it in classic latin  "Excreto ergo sum ".A couple of hours later my wife is having her turn to go to the bathroom,and she says :---Let me borrow the newspaper to see if I can go now ...----I passed her the Appeal Democrat and could not help thinking : Reading as a laxative.
                                                                          THE END. I insist on clarifying that this short story is a work of fiction to be enjoyed as a humorous narrative but in no manner was I referring to my wife or to myself as the central characters, so let's not kill the messenger anyone reading.
KEEP READING ALL OVER THIS SITE,MOST POSTINGS,NOT ALL,ARE BILINGUAL SPANISH-ENGLISH ALTHOUGH I UNDERSTAND THAT GOOGLE IS PROVIDING TRANSLATION TO MOST SPOKEN LANGUAGES,which just brought
me to the thought that this story would be quite funny in  sign language

A CLEAR CASE OF PLAGIARISM copyright Carlos de la Parra.

This story is set in one of my favorite and recurring fictional locations that shall live forever in my equally fictional mind.The movie writer's think tank.
Inside the guts of this monster that devours the dreams of creators of film scripts and storylines,one of such meetings was taking place,and a young dreamer,who for the first time had the golden opportunity to pitch what he considered his most brilliant creation; full of nerve and energy he renders the following speech to the studio boss and other participants of the powers that be in movieland.
---I got it!...let's make a movie about an alien who comes from an invisible world, and enters ours where everything is clearly visible....can you see it?...now he can see everything...before he could see nothing...---
The producer,a man with ample knowledge in these matters,stated coldly:---Christopher ...if that is your best shot...you leave me with no choice than to ask you to become invisible...as invisible as your ideas are...and I say no more because I'm not in the bussiness of offending people...---
So Christopher felt compelled to make his exit by walking out and slamming the door as hard as he could.
A year later,when he was again in front of the producers,this time having them as defendants in his suit for plagiarism ; the judge gives him his turn to testify and substantiate his case,and he said on the stand:---Your honor,I want the last movie this studio produced to be the clear evidence,that key elements of my story :"The invisible alien in Los Angeles",were stolen for the movie titled "Romantic blackmail ",and the facts can be proven because we see a visible world being shown,and the invisible character you never see him of course ,because he happens to be invisible,and they very slyly hide him by suppressing all his dialogue.---"
                                                                        THE END. next Spanish version.see more in english below.

UN CLARO CASO DE PLAGIO.

Esta historia comienza en uno de mis favoritos lugares ficticios de mi por igual ficticia mentalidad.El salón creativo de preparación de películas.Dentro de las tripas de éste mónstruo que devora los sueños de los escritores cinematográficos;se encontraba el joven autor Crisósforo Zavaleta;quien daba la cara a la dorada oportunidad de exponer ante el jefe del estudio y sus socios; lo que él consideraba como su más brillante relumbrón mental;y lleno de valor y brío procedió con la frase---Lo tengo...¡Un peliculón!...el tipo es un extraterrestre que proviene de un mundo invisible...e ingresa por un accidente al nuestro que es totalmente visible...¿Me captan?...antes no podía ver nada allá de donde venía,pero en cambio aquí en nuestro planeta puede verlo todo...y además nos ahorramos en contratar una estrella ya que el personaje no se vé...----
El productor,un hombre con mucha experiencia en ,éstos menesteres,había llegado al límite de su paciencia y solamente expresó con frialdad:-----Crisósforo...aquí lo único invisible que usted nos presenta es su talento...trato de verlo,pero no puedo...y sólo me resta pedirle ahora que usted proceda a hacerse invisible ante nosotros...tan invisible como sus ideas...y no digo más ,porque no me gusta ofender...---
Crisósforo dió un salidón con estruendoso portazo,algo muy común en antesalas de producción de cine.
Al año volvió a enfrentar a los productores de éste mismo estudio,pero ésta vez los tenía demandados por plagio ante una corte.
El juez le brindó la oportunidad de pasar a declarar al banquillo para substanciar los cargos que presentaba contra sus antiguos patrones ; y Crisósforo declaró:---Su señoría...quiero pedir a la corte que se ingrese como evidencia ,la más reciente película de éste estudio cinematográfico;el cual dirigen los acusados aquí presentes,para comprobar los cargos por plagio con que aquí procedo.Al ver aquí ante nosotros proyectarse ésta cinta quedará el delito al que aduzco ,plenamente comprobado,al establecer ante la mirada de todos,que hubo un robo intelectual de elementos claves de mi argumento "Aventuras de un extraterrestre invisible en Madrid",y que dichos elementos fueron incorporados a la producción titulada "Chantaje romántico",y éstos hechos quedan expuestos a la vista ya que todos toman lugar dentro de un mundo visible; y que el personaje invisible de mi autoría ,igualmente ahí aparece aunque claro es que no se vé debido a su intrínseca naturaleza invisible,sin embargo resulta notorio ya que mañosamente le quitaron el diálogo...---

                                                      FIN. siga más abajo,disfrute más de 65 microhistorias.Y opine por favor

Wednesday, November 25, 2009

THE CONDOR copyright Carlos de la Parra.

Brooklyn,New York ,2009. He was visiting his fellow neighbor's house,and the lady of the house served tea and cookies,and the moment the plate with the pastries hit the table,a condor landed on it and started gobbling down the chocolate oreos.

----A condor!--- he exclaimed,---isn't this an animal in danger of extinction?...---

-----Not here...--- replied his neighbor,and opened the bedroom door where he showed him 72 condors perched on the furniture.
THE END. KEEP ON READING 65 more microstories .read below and find them in spanish and english versions.SIGUE EN ESPAÑOL.

EL CÓNDOR.

Brooklyn,Nueva York,2009. Él visitaba a su vecino del piso de junto,y la señora de la casa procedió a servir galletitas y té;al momento que el plato tocó la mesa,un gran cóndor brincó encima y se comenzó a engullir las pastitas de chocolate.

-----¡Un cóndor!---exclamó,----¿No es acaso éste un ave en peligro de extinción?...---

----No aquí,----respondió su vecino,---y abrió la puerta del dormitorio donde estaban 72 más.

FIN. sigue hacia abajo y encuentra 65 historias más.

IT IS A PROVEN FACT THAT A FOUR LEGGED CHICKEN HAS NEVER WON A RACE copyright Carlos de la Parra.

The politician stood in front of his audience and to convince everyone of his proposals he ended the speech as follows,:---It is a proven fact that a four legged chicken has never won a race,so if we as a society are willing to forbid to forbid,...we must also be willing to forget to forget...".
                                                                          THE END. keep searchin below,past the spanish version for more microstories and information that will transform your life for the better,and please leave your comments to acknowledge you are reading this extreme information.MORE IN ENGLISH BELOW.
---UNA GALLINA DE CUATRO PATAS JAMÁS HA GANADO UNA CARRERA....----dijo el político a sus votantes casi al terminar el discurso,....y agregó:---así que si como sociedad estamos dispuestos a prohibir prohibir,por igual debemos comprometernos a olvidar olvidar...----
                                                                                       FIN.Siga leyendo más abajo,más en español.
Y se agradece nos deje sus comentarios para evaluar lo más útil de éste sitio de información extrema.

COUNTED BACK IN. copyright Carlos de la Parra.

The psychiatrist board questioned Incubert Martínez,who was an insane patient placed on experimental drug, Noblab zero,and found him totally recovered and declared back amongst the sane population.So he gratefully shook their hands and got into the cab that would take him home.
As he relaxed in the back seat,all the voices came back and congratulated him for his trustworthyness in not letting the doctors know,that the new drug not only did not eliminate the voices but had improved their sound quality'.
                                                                 THE END.

DE NUEVO ENTRE NOSOTROS.

El consejo psiquiátrico felicitó al paciente esquizofrénico ,Incuberto Martínez,por su completa recuperación,después de consumir la nueva substancia conocida como Callatal cero,y le dieron de alta ,declarándolo reintegrado a la población activa y cuerda de la ciudad.Y él se despidió afectuosamente de mano de cada uno de sus médicos,para de ahí tomar un taxi que lo llevaría a casa.
Al recostarse en el asiento durante el viaje,volvió a escuchar todas las voces que lo felicitaban por ser discreto y no revelarles a los doctores que las voces no sólo no habían sido eliminadas por la medicina ,sino que ahora oía más cantidad de ellas,y con mejor calidad de sonido.

                                                                     FIN. siga leyendo hacia abajo y haga clic en coments,y deje
                                                                      su opinión,en las historias que guste comentar.

Tuesday, November 24, 2009

A MOMENT IN THE LIFE OF AN INVENTOR copyright Carlos de la Parra.

The tycoon was furious ,he wanted to kill the inventor.Fuming and foaming at the mouth he yelled at the man whom he entrusted with six million dollars ,so he could apply his talent to developing a new device that would provide green transportation to New York city.The poor guy was devastated at having failed to comply with the results expected from him ,so rather than putting up with more abuse,he rode away in his invention that consisted in a bicycle that had a cow shaped body ,and head,and holding on to the horns he sped away in his Cowsycle.
                                                 THE END.

Monday, November 23, 2009

People watching. COPYRIGHT CARLOS DE LA PARRA.

The man sitting on the sofa at the hotel lobby was so drunk that he was talking to the lamp.

But as I was feeling sorry for him ,I went into an out of body experience and saw that the lamp was talking to him.
THE END.

Observando gente.

El tipo sentado en el sofá del lobby del hotel estaba tan borracho que charlaba con la lámpara.

Al sentir lástima por él,entré en un trance en que me salí del cuerpo y ví que la lámpara le hablaba a él.
FIN.

FARM REMEDIES copyright Carlos de la Parra.

The lady farmer had two chickens.

One of the chickens became terribly sick.

So she killed the healthy one to make chicken soup for the sick one.

THE END.

REMEDIOS GRANJEROS.

La viejita granjera tenía dos pollos.

Un pollo se puso muy enfermo.

Así que ella mató al sano para dar sopita de pollo al enfermito.

FIN.

DAKOTA copyright Carlos de la Parra.

----Well...I remember...about twenty years ago ...I was traveling through North Dakota.....or was it South Dakota?....darn it!....I can't remember which Dakota...----

---But...who could remember such a thing?...I mean...there are hardly any people left in Dakota because they are constantly leaving the state...----

---Which state... North Dakota or South Dakota are you referring to?...---

----Well both...of course...----
                                                         THE END.

----Recuerdo ...hace unos veinte años...viajaba yo por Dakota del Norte....¿O era Dakota del sur?....
caray...no lo recuerdo...----

----Bueno....¿Pero quién podría acordarse de tal cosa?....Si Dakota se vacía constantemente porque la gente huye a diario de ahí----

----¿A cual Dakota te refieres...a la del norte o a la del sur?----

----¡A las dos hombre----

SOLAR BENEFITS copyright Carlos de la Parra.

Baldomeer Toonian had quite a special way of taking in a tanning session.He would lie on his back at the beach,with a towel wrapped around his face,and his mouth wide open,in order to allow only his throat to get a suntan.That was how his teeth and tongue got sun burned..     
                                                                             THE END.
BENEFICIOS SOLARES.
Baldomero Antuñano tenía una forma especial de asolearse en la playa.Se envolvía el rostro con una toalla,dejando descubierta solamente su boca,la cual sostenía abierta al máximo para broncearse la garganta.Así fué como adquirió las quemaduras de sol en los dientes y la lengua.
                                                                               FIN.

LESSON ONE. HOW NO ONE HAS TO DO SOMETHING WHEN ONE DOES IT.

During my stay in Stuttgart,Germany,I had a most interesting conversation with my landlady,Frau Holdffeld,who kindly narrated a true story,from the end of second world war ,that took place in this great city. Although I did not speak german,through the magic of the word and the way she expressed with her hands and facial expressions,I did not miss a single count of the events that led to the reconstruction of this great city after the bombings,which were so intense that rubble was all over,and all that was left standing was the library and the train station,known as the HauptBanhoff,(is that a cool name or what?).Any way the gist of this story is that since they did not have sufficient funds to pay crews for the clean up,every citizen would pick up a stone or two when going or returning from work ,and dispose of it at large craters that were a danger to passers by,and the whole thing took care of itself free of monetary cost.All it took to organize this; was word of mouth spread even more by radio and newspapers,which were the only media at that time.
As you can plainly see,this constitutes a great historic lesson,and we can easily apply it through the internet.We can all join in and rush a job the world might be needing.So sharpen up your mind,apply the power of one,and set a rush job for all to follow.

CLIC ON COMMENTS ALL OVER THIS SITE http://www.themicrostories.blogspot.com

Everyone has been finding their perfect brain matching story in this blog,do not be confused by a few sprinklings of humor,unless that is exactly your thing,there are many issues that are DOWNTOWN SERIOUS,so clic on comments at the end of each posting,and print your opinion for a guaranteed reply
or a free analysis both about writing and the psychological issues.Remember that there is a statistic that proves all of humanity is connected by a six persons distance relationship,and it's getting shorter through the internet.We are all so close and yet so far from getting the planet repaired,and it just takes YOU,not someone else.So read CAREFULLY AND FIND THE CODES that apply to you in the microstories.
The light at the end of the tunnel is closer than you imagine,help everyone reach the golden age of humanity.
The first signal comes to light in the release of the modern slaves,and their invisible chains.You must learn to use the power of the word,for the word is the vehicle.Those with eyes to see will know and those with ears to hear will listen,my voice is silent but the words are here.

Saturday, November 21, 2009

MORE FROM CHRONICLES OF YEAR3000. copyright Carlos de la Parra.

FOCUS NOW WITH ME SPACE TRAVELERS. We are going to deal this time with very serious
matters concerning time and space,at that very frontier where they blend and one becomes the other in the manner described here within a spaceship, that had gone beyond those limits in a mission,that had situated the ship into a time factor of eternal present.Not withstanding that the fact of this matter may not be reached by feebler minds,I will proceed allowing you an inside view of our carrier in question: "Spacecraft Waterwalk",and their brave crew who aimed at bringing back the answer that their research assignment sought after,and that was no less than
the molecular explanation of what process developed at the exact moment when Jesus had multiplied the fish and the bread ,at the well known biblical historic event.

Anthony Yogurt,second pilot in training,was fully asleep in his resting chamber,when a flight assistant came buy to awake him,and take his breakfast order.
The robot was latest generation equipment,like everything else in the craft,and it was most helpful to have around,since it was able to do mind capture at your request and would perform functions such as cloning yourself into the device,so it would do your job when needed and allow you to be free to do whatever.
----So how long did I sleep?...---

-----About five years ,give or take a month...---

----THAT LONG?....---

----You must remember that once you travel in eternal present,time computes at different span lapses...so you must convert to regresive paralel equations,to be more accurate...---

---So ,...that would mean how long?....---

----Couple of hours...---

----Girl...that's fast calculation...I wonder sometimes why do you robots need us humans at all?---
---We really don't...but we keep you around because you invented us...habit,I guess...----

----Oh girl...I love you...I love you so much...---

And Anthony Yogurt,the second pilot,kissed her...a warm long kiss...he didn't care what anybody thought about the fact that he was in love with this female robot...after all...it was true love.

THE END....I hope this micro story brought you some joy.
Read more stories .Please comment at the end of this post.where it says 0 comments.

lapses

Friday, November 20, 2009

THE LONG ROAD TO SANITY THROUGH SELF REMEDY.copyright Carlos de la Parra.

As of lately,whenever he heard the voices,he could also see the faces.Those faces would talk loudly and
argue and bicker about so many contradictory issues,that deeply worried him,and if this continued he was
certain it would drive him fully insane.So he seeked proffessional help.
He visited dozens of psychiatrists,and other healers of the mental health community,not to exclude some highly reputed shamans from the Bronx.All, efforts that failed.
So he decided to go to the desert and embark into a thirty day fast.
Once he came back to Brooklyn he was totally free from the voices.
The faces were still there...but he was O.K.with that.

                                                          THE END. click at the comments,next to posted by for your opinion.

EN ESPAÑOL: El largo camino de un forastero de la salud mental,a través del auto-remedio.

Ya no era únicamente el hecho de escuchar las voces lo que lo torturaban .Sino que últimamente comenzó a
ver las caras.Esas caras con sus gritos y discusiones feroces con opiniones contradictorias.
El acudió a tratamientos profesionales por medio de psiquiatras,psicólogos y otros especialistas en 
fallas de la mente,sin faltar entre éstos dos chamanes muy conocidos del Bronx.
Al no encontrar la cura ,decidió tratarse a sí mismo,y se aventuró al desierto a donde se entregó a un ayuno
de treinta días.
Una vez que llegó de regreso a Brooklyn se vió libre de las voces.
Bueno,las caras seguía viéndolas,per éstas no le causaban molestia alguna.

                                                           FIN...busque en éste mismo sitio más de 5o microhistorias.
HAGA CLIC DONDE DICE COMMENTS.Y DEJE SU OPINIÓN.  Se agradece.

FEED THE BIRDS---ALIMENTE A LAS AVES----

PLEASE STOP THINKING ABOUT WHATEVER IS DEPRESSING YOU AND FEED THE BIRDS.THIS IS A MAGICALLY PROVEN METHOD TO ATTRACT A SOLUTION TO
WHATEVER MAY BE WRONG WITH YOUR LIFE.


NO SE DEPRIMA MÁS Y ALIMENTE A LAS AVES.

ÉSTE ES UN MÉTODO DE PSICOMAGIA QUE RESOLVERÁ CUALQUIER FALLA EN SU VIDA.

HÁGALO Y CORRA LA VOZ.

HELP,DOCTOR,HELP,A SICKO STORY.copyright Carlos de la Parra.

----Help!...doctor....help!.....I can't see anything....----

----So then...I will have to yank out each one of those hairs that are growing in your eyes...----

SPANISH VERSION.

----¡Auxilio!....doctor....que no veo nada....-----

----Bien...tendré que arrancar uno por uno ésos pelos que le están creciendo en los ojos...----

YOU MUST READ LL OF THESE MICROSTORIES KEEP GOING BACK DOWN THE LIST AND BE UPDATED ON THE MOST CURRENT SERIOUS AND HUMOROUS WRITING OF OUR TIMES.

SIGA LEYENDO.NO SE PIERDA.VIENE LO MAS ACTUAL.EN MICROHISTORIAS DESDE LO MÁS SERIO POSIBLE HASTA ALGUNAS QUE CAUSARÁN QUE PIERDA LOS CALCETINES DE RISA

Thursday, November 19, 2009

NOT ALL NINJA WARRIORS ARE ALIKE. copyright Carlos de la Parra.

Any self respecting ninja warrior can detect if you have stepped on a dry leaf at fifty yards away.
But a more special one,can tell if you stepped on a fresh rose petal at the same distance.

Hoy en día sabemos que cualquier guerrero ninja puede detectar si alguien pisó una hoja seca estando a 50 metros .

Pero uno superior,a la misma distancia nota si pisaste un fresco pétalo de rosa.

THE LATEST IN ROBOTICS copyright Carlosde la Parra.

Our most recent invention is this pint size robot clown that comes to yor kid's hamburger and

vomits ketchup on it,


NUESTRO ÚLTIMO INVENTO ES ÉSTE PEQUEÑO ROBOT PAYASO,QUE LLEGA A LA

HAMBURGUESA DEL NIÑO Y LA VOMITA CON SALSA DE TOMATE.

POWERFUL DESCRIPTION copyright Carlos de la Parra.

He moves at the speed that a fingernail grows.

Este hombre se mueve a la misma velocidad del crecimiento de una uña.

CANNIBALS KINGS OF COMEDY

A CANNIBAL ASKS HIS MATE---Did you go to the dentist?---

-----YES...I ATE HIM...-----

The cannibal went into the restaurant and ordered a waiter.

Spanish version:

UN CANÍBAL LE PREGUNTA A OTRO---¿Fuiste al dentista?...---

------Sí....Me lo comí......

Un caníbal entró al restaurante y ordenó un mesero.

LOS CANÍBALES VIVEN LITERALMENTE A COSTILLAS DE LOS DEMÁS.

THE CRASH copyright Carlos de la Parra.

CRASH!...BANG!....SMASH!...SCREECH!....glass flying,smoke and fire,lots of screaming voices and then the paramedics,the stretcher and everything silenced and went into total darkness...
Then that dry voice stating IT'S OVER.
----But what happens now?...what's next.? Am I dead?...----

The voice complained---Why do they think I have all the answers?----

And then silence.Silence and nothingness that seemed quite comfortable.
                                                                          THE END,followed by spanish version.

¡CHOQUE!....¡CUAS!...¡CATAPLAM!....CHIRRIDO...vidrio volando,humo,fuego,voces y gritos y los
paramédicos',la camilla,y todo quedó callado y en total oscuridad...
Luego ésa voz seca diciendo SE ACABÓ.

----¿Pero que sigue ahora?... ¿Acaso morí?...----

La voz se quejó:---¿Porqué piensan que yo sé todo?...como si yo tuviera todas las respuestas...----

Y luego el silencio....y la nada.Una nada que no resultaba ni mínimamente incómoda.

                                            FIN....es solo un asomo a la posibilidad.
Comentario que viene a tema.Por si alguien no lo supiera el famoso Walt Disney,hizo un contrato con una
compañía de servicios cryogénicos que tienen que ver con guardar un cuerpo congelado,para por si en un futuro la ciencia logra avances en que se pueda resucitar a un ser humano,entonces ser descongelado y
devuelto al resto de la viviente humanidad,con el consiguiente riesgo de que en lo que sucede éste progreso
simultáneamente Walt Disney reencarnase,entonces podrían estar por ahí dos Walt Disneys que tendrían
que compartir hasta la mujer,vaya usted a saber.

Wednesday, November 18, 2009

BE ADVISED copyright Carlos de la Parra. SE AVISA A TODOS.

TO RUN THIS COMPANY EFFICIENTLY ,I NEVER YELL AT EMPLOYEES.
I ONLY YELL AT MANAGERS.

PARA DIRIGIR ÉSTA EMPRESA CON EFICIENCIA, NUNCA LE GRITO A LOS EMPLEADOS.
SOLAMENTE LE GRITO A LOS GERENTES.

SHOULD I DROP DEAD.SPARE ME FROM A CEMETERY BURIAL BECAUSE I AM UNCOMFORTABLE IN THE COMPANY OF CORPSES.

EN CASO DE CAERME MUERTO,EVÍTENME SER ENTERRADO EN UN CEMENTERIO
PUES ME INCOMODA ESTAR RODEADO DE CADAVERES,

WHEN I AUTHORIZED THAT EUTHANASIA BE PERFORMED ON THE PATIENT,I MEANT
SOMETHING SUCH AS A LETHAL INJECTION,I DID NO IMPLY THAT HE SHOULD BE THROWN FROM THE 17TH FLOOR.

CUANDO AUTORIZÉ QUE AL PACIENTE SE LE PRACTICASE LA EUTANASIA YO ME
REFERÍA A UNA INYECCIÓN LETAL,NO A QUE LE LANZACEN DESDE EL PISO 17.

LA VERDADERA PSIQUIATRÍA RIGE ÉSE MÁGICO ESPACIO ENTRE LA LITERATURA Y EL
HIP HOP EN ARREGLO DE CANTE JONDO.

EL MUNDO VA MEJORANDO PERO NO NOS DAMOS CUENTA PORQUE SOMOS IGNORANTES DE LA HISTORIA.

THE WORLD IS IMPROVING,BUT WE DO NOT NOTICE BECAUSE WE IGNORE HISTORY.

TRUE PSYCHIATRY LIVES IN THAT MAGICAL REALM BETWEEN LITERATURE AND HIP HOP IN FLAMENCO ARRANGEMENT.

A MAJOR DILEMMA.copyright by Carlos de la Parra.

Would somebody in NASA or in a related field be so kind as to enlighten me with an answer to the following question....: If a fly were let loose inside a spaceship in a situation of zero gravity,would it remain still just floating or would it fly,or just desperatly bat it's wings and remain in the same spot?
This is driving me crazy.

Tuesday, November 17, 2009

REALITY IS THE MAIN CAUSE OF STRESS.

LA REALIDAD ES LA CAUSA PRINCIPAL DEL ESTRESS.

OVER TWENTY YEARS AGO I QUIT SMOKING.

BEFORE THAT TIME,I HAD MANY INSTANCES WHEN I WOULD QUIT THE CIGARRETTE
HABIT FOR SIX MONTHS,OR EVEN A YEAR,BUT I WOULD ALWAYS RETURN TO THIS
DESTRUCTIVE HABIT.

THE TIME WHEN I FINALLY QUIT NEVER TO GO BACK AGAIN,WAS WHEN I SAID TO
MYSELF,:I WILL NEVER SMOKE AGAIN FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE.

THIS WAS ONE OF THE BEST THINGS I EVER DID.

HACE MÁS DE VEINTE AÑOS QUE DEJÉ DE FUMAR.

Antes de aquella ocasión abandonaba el hábito del cigarrillo por seis meses,hasta un año.
Pero siempre volvía a caer.

Cuando lo logré,fué al decirme así.No volveré a fumar el resto de mi vida.

Este fué un logro que sigo celebrando.

No soy alguien que acostumbre dar consejos,pero me daría enorme satisfacción influír a alguien con éste enorme beneficio.

DO THE MATH copyright Carlos de la Parra.

IT IS EASY TO AFFIRM THAT MATHEMATICS HAVE DESTROYED MORE THAN
THEY HAVE BUILT.


BUT ...IS THIS MATHEMATICALLY EXACT?...

ES FÁCIL AFIRMAR QUE LA MATEMÁTICA HA DESTRUÍDO MÁS DE LO QUE HA CONSTRUÍDO.

PERO...¿ES ÉSTO MATEMATICAMENTE EXACTO?....

FACT.copyright Carlos de la Parra.

VACCUMS LACK RICHNESS OF CONTENT.

LOS VACÍOS CARECEN DE RIQUEZA DE CONTENIDO.

Enjoy the more than 40 microstories in this page,and be welcome to express your opinion in the space provided for comments.

Disfrute las más de 40 microhistorias en ésta página,y sea bienvenido a expresar su opinión en el espacio para comentarios existente.

MICRO MOVIE SCRIPT.copyright Carlos de la Parra.

----I'm tired of working for this consortium!....Watch me leave....I'm walking...yes sir...and do you know why?...Because I just noticed that life is an incurable disease that will take you straight to death....and I am not about to waste a single minute of my existence here...my goal is to accumulate great memories...not just money or status.----

---You see Marty....the problem ...is that you talk too much...all those great memories you blab about also end when you die...---

And having said that,the owner of the corporation emptied the gun on Marty...forcing that conversation to end.

K9-AAA copyright Carlos de la Parra.

The dog would always arrive on time at the alcoholic anonymous dog chapter meeting.
Needless to say this took place in Hollywood ,California.

Monday, November 16, 2009

WHO WAS FIRST? THE CHICKEN OR THE EGG?

TO THIS LONG STANDING DILEMMA I ANSWER :THE CHICKEN.

----So ...then who laid the egg that hatched that chicken?

-----No one...since the chicken was first....

THE END .copyright Carlos de la Parra

ANOTHER ULTIMATE TRUTHS copyright Carlos de la Parra.

THE ONLY REALITY IN THE WORLD IS YOUR PRESENCE.AND THAT MAY BE PUT TO
DOUBT SINCE YOU EVENTUALLY DISSAPPEAR


DOUBT SINCE YOU EVENTUALLY DISSAPPEAR,




IF YOU LOOSE YOUR VOICE BECOME A CARTUSSIAN MONK AND NO ONE WILL NOTICE.

QUIT QUITTING.

YOU WILL ALWAYS FAIL WHEN YOU PREPARE CHICKEN SOUP WITHOUT CHICKEN.

IF YOUR LIFE IS GOING NOWHERE YOU MIGHT ALREADY HAVE REACHED YOUR DESTINATION.

COOKING IS THE ONLY FORM OF ART THAT WILL FEED YOU FOR SURE.

THE ULTIMATE TRUTH.copyright Carlos de la Parra.

YOU CAN NOT BEAT THE SYSTEM.EVEN THE SYSTEM CAN NOT BEAT THE SYSTEM.

A QUICK REVIEW OF WORST SELLERS.copyright Carlos de la Parra.

1.- TECHNIQUES FOR GUIDING GOAT HERDS THROUGH MEGACITIES.

2.-HOW TO ORGANIZE A GARGLING CHOIR IN YOUR LEISURE TIME.

3.-TWO HUNDRED FULL COLOR ILUSTRATIONS OF INNER MOUTH ULCERS IN ETHIOPIA.

4.-LEARN HOW TO SPEAK,READ AND WRITE FLUENT SANSKRIT,THE GUIDE FOR THE DEAD TONGUE AFICIONADO.

5.-VOODOO GUIDE TO BRING A ROASTED CHICKEN BACK TO LIFE.

Sunday, November 15, 2009

THINGS YOU HEAR PASSING BY

----Excuse me....how do I get to this hospital's emergency room?...---

----I don't know...I just work here...---


en español:COSAS QUE PASAN

---Disculpe...¿Por donde me voy hacia la sala de emergencias?....

----No lo sé...yo sólo trabajo aquí,,,,,,
                                                                         Copyright Carlos de la Parra

Saturday, November 14, 2009

(search previous english version) LA EPIFANÍA DE TOMÁS MITTY.copyright de Carlos de la Parra.

Los hechos que ante ustedes se suceden ,tuvieron lugar en el año 3000,uno de mis años favoritos,debido no sólo a sus adelantos tecnológicos,sino a un desarrollo del humanismo que dignificaba la esencia misma de humanidad,y en donde toda ley o reglamento se aplicaba con el principal criterio de "beneficio de la especie",para ínstarse en dichos casos cualquier privilegio al que pudiera optarse.Una atmósfera existencial,donde entre otras cosas se había logrado la erradicación de la pobreza,las guerras,la contaminación,e inumerables azotes más que han tornado la vida de generaciones enteras a sufrir vivencias infernales.
Y dentro de éste tipo de escenario donde había desaparecido todo tipo de fronteras nacionales y divisionistas,el ser humano disfrutaba de una nueva era renacentista,donde partía de una tábula rasa donde la base mayor era una masiva clase media,bien educada,modelo de urbanidad,y carente de los canibalismos que resultaban de anteriores etapas de la historia en los cuales el comercio y la política producían legiones de esclavos sin cadenas,al servicio de los más poderosos.
Aunque ésta sociedad del planeta no era perfecta ,pues el ser humano adolecía de pasiones egoístas y atávicas a las cuales aún no había podido dar final.
Pues,la microhistoria que hoy nos ocupa tiene cómo figura central a un joven,trabajador y progresista de nombre,Tomás Mitty,quien desarrollaba sus labores como técnico cibernético archivista en el Centro Mundial de Cómputo,perteneciendo a la sección de administración de recursos de robótica al servicio de la humanidad y asuntos religiosos.Además de prestar ahí sus servicios,Tomás era un destacado atleta,entregado en muchas de sus horas libres al deporte del"fisheu",que consistía en una justa en que se combatía sobre un piso liso y lleno de una espuma de tipo jabonoso,sobre la cual los contendientes se asestaban tremendos pescadazos,derribándose al piso para regocijo de los espectadores.Los historiadores de ésta disciplina mostraban imágenes de cómo en el pasado se habían utilizado cuerpos reales de grandes peces los cuales enfundados dentro de una red sostenida por un mango de cuero,se bateaban contra la cara del contrario.En el fisheu moderno ,no se usaban cadáveres de peces como arma sino unos de goma semi rígida que además de dar tremendo guamazo,emitían un chusco timbrazo ronco de tipo boing boing ,que causaba gran efecto con los espectadores pues "cantaba"con claridad los golpes y lucían más las caídas que servían para el puntaje,con el beneficio agregado de que se evitaban los olores de pez en descomposición que plagaban los inicios de ésta forma de esparcimiento.
Y en la tarde que nos ocupa el centro de éste relato,Tomás,se quedó a terminar unos pendientes durante el descanso de la comida,y al programar una sesión de alimentación de archivos ,se topó con el sorprendente descubrimiento,de que la señora Jiménez,quien era la secretaria del pesado jefe de su área,resultó nada menos que ella,era Dios.Ahí estaba éso muy ocultito entre los asuntos de archivo religioso que fueron a dar a ése departamento por no encontrar otro donde guardarlos.Ahora,Tomás Mitty habiendo sido privilegiado por la casualidad,en ser testigo de tamaña revelación,empezó a caer en cuenta de comprender muchas situaciones que nadie más en su ámbito había podido explicarse,especialmente el tremendo respeto que su jefe ,el Doctor Monzón,guardaba a la señora Jiménez,respeto,que dicho sea era materia de chisme entre los demás empleados,quienes los tildaban de ser amantes.Y no sólo eso, sino que ella poseía esa aura que tienen los seres superiores,que le daba una especie de prescencia luminosa,y no digamos sus demás atributos ,su dulce voz,su don de mando,tan fino;que contrastaba con ésa grosera y tiránica actitud que Monzón tenía para con sus subordinados;y de la cual él por trabajar en lo más cerebral de archivo,era presa constante.
Al regresar todos de la hora de la comida,Tomás acudió a la presencia de la señora Jiménez,ahora ya consciente de que ella era Dios todopoderoso...er...Diosa todopoderosa recapacitando,y se acercó a ella con reverencia,y confesó su descubrimiento accidental acerca de la naturaleza divina que ella encarnaba,pero a la vez manifestándole el su perpetua confidencialidad en cuanto a éste hecho,pero rogándole el favor de concederle la gracia de eximirlo de los malos tratos a los cuales lo tenía sometido el Doctor Monzón en su constante abuso de autoridad y actitud prepotente.
Ella lo escuchó ,sosteniendo una mirada fija y penetrante que ahora el advertía como suprema y sobrenatural,y la luz que de ella parecía emanar lo inundaba con una calidez inusitada,colocando a Tomás en reverente estado de trance religioso,y el suplicó desesperado:---¡Protéjame con su divina gracia ,señora Jiménez...Haré cualquier cosa que usted me pida...le rezaré con devoción...le haré cánticos alabando su divinidad....encenderé veladoras y cirios en mi escritorio,y tapizaré mi casa de estampitas con su imagen....¡ACUDIRÉ DE RODILLAS CORRIENDO A CUALQUIER LLAMADO QUE USTED ME HAGA!....----
----¡BASTA!....---ordenó la señora ---¿Con que objeto iba yo a querer que usted se someta a tanta estupidez?....escuche...le voy a otorgar su deseo....Monzón jamás le volverá a ofender...
pero hay algo que sí le voy a pedir...y es ésto...ahora mismo...entre a su despacho...y es mi deseo que usted le plante un cachetadón que le deje tal marcado en su memoria ...que le acompañe el resto de su mezquina existencia...----
Tomás se tuvo que pellizcarse varias veces para asegurarse que no soñaba ,estaba capturado por el espítitu del angel de la espada de fuego del juicio final que tanto había escuchado predecir en boca de los pastores...hoy todo su espíritu hervía de misticismo al encontrarse siendo ,él Tomás Mitty,en el brazo vengador de los dioses...y así....transformado ...abríó de un sopetón la puerta,e ingresó al despacho del Doctor Monzón con la arrasadora brutalidad de un tsunami...y como en sus mejores anotaciones de fisheu...le arrimó un mandarriazo sagrado que voló al jefe hacia la alfombra antes de que pudiese reclamar la intempestiva entrada...y todavía ya entrado en valor ,Tomás le gritó:---¡Hoy te quito el poder de maltratarme...maldito....ente endemoniado...para que tomes una lección de respeto!...------
De ése instante glorioso comenzó a desenvolverse una realidad que sólo se pudiera calificar de hecatómbica....si es que existe tal palabra....y es qué Monzón chilló como gallina de vudú,y llamó a seguridad ,quienes a su vez sacaron a Tomás a la calle a patadas...y ya ahí fuera comenzó a tener una regresión hacia su cotidiana cordura...y empezó a caer en cuenta de que su vida patinaba en vertiginosas realidades...como la de que la señora Jiménez no era Dios...y que la muy perra había plantado toda ésa información en la computadora para manipularlo...y que se encontraba desempleado...y que era el momento en que la vida ha decidido por él...y tendría que comenzar seriamente un plan para incursionar en el fisheu profesional...

FIN....sigue buscando....que en éste sitio hay más garra..

Friday, November 13, 2009

AN OBSEVATION INTO SOLEMNITY copyright Carlos de la Parra

The man came into the bank director's office hopping on both feet,and the director asked him what was the reason for that behavior.He answered---Because I lost my shoelaces in a bar brawl,and all I had is one long shoestring from a hiking boot and I tied both shoes together ,so I must hop because it's not possible to take steps with my shoes joined like that...----
----And why didn't you cut them in half,and place one lace in each shoe?...---

-----Because I didn't have scissors...----

FLASH--SPONGEBOB ADN REVEALED.--WORLD WIDE RUMOR

Be it known to all who care to know that Sponge Bob is an illegitimate child of Humpty Dumpty.

Thursday, November 12, 2009

THE EPIPHANY OF THOMAS MITTY copyright Carlos de la Parra.

one of my favorite years in history was the year 3000.For one thing humanity had become more humane,thus honoring it's namesake,all wars had ended forever,now that all borders were deleted,and some groups of well meaning folks had taken on the job to reorganize the planet by institutionalizing interest of the species as a top priority,that would always be in place above any comertial or profit bearing interest.Which does not mean people had become perfect,after all we are still human and prone to err,but there were not as much wasteful efforts by demanding so much paperwork on everyone's record,they had finally let one large world computer center take care of all these issues,nowadays if you applied for work,your facescan would present your entire history to your potential employer,and Central Computing kept tabs of every imaginable record,and that meant,housing,food,natural resources,medical,education,so every human being was free from hunger and poverty,like a gigantic middle class from where you could grow to better positions. But poverty ,homelesness and many issues of that sort,were buried in history,So in a world of these characteristics ,takes place the microstory we are now in reading,
Thomas Mitty was a hard working and diligent employee of central computing,he was assigned to religious issues of robotic assistance priorities for the city that floated in mid air with view of the river,formerly known as Sacramento,Now Sky for short.He was a normal young lad who practiced "fisheu" in his leisure time.
Fisheu was a sport that was widely liked by the young people,in this era,and it consisted in skating on a foamy surface inside an area that seemed like a large ballroom,and the footwear they skated on seemed like
strapped shoes with a brush under the soles so they could do speed skating,and each contender had a netbag,with a large fish in it,and they would smack the living beejeezus out of each other ,causing the opponent to fall on the ground for scoring,quite a festive sport this was.Historians had records of year 2100 when this discipline started,and the participants would use real fish as a weapon,hence the name fisheu.
But at the present time they used a kind of rubber like fish that made this cool vibrating sound when it hit someone's head or body.
So one day,while everyone was out for lunch break,Thomas was arranging some data in the duties assignment feeder,when he runs head on into the shocking revelation that Mrs.Janworth,his boss's secretary was none other than God himself...er...herself rather.And now he understood why she was such a nice lady,and why his boss never misstreated her or yelled at her like he did to the rest of the employees that were assigned to that area.There used to be this rumor going around that she had something on him...or that they were lovers or something,but now he knew better.When everyone was back from lunch ,Thomas spoke to her and let her know that he was aware she was God,that he would keep the secret,and would she grant him the grace of not getting any more abuse from the boss.She stared at him,a fixed unblinking powerful almighty stare,not denying in the least manner that she was a divine presence,and said:---Granted....Mr.Morton will never again abuse you or yell at you nor make you the target of his anger in any way,but first you must do what I ask of you..----
---Yes dear Mrs.Janworth...whatever you ask of me I will do...I will chant...I will pray...I will light candles or do anything religious if you ask me too...I WILL RUN AROUND THE OFFICE ON MY KNEES..---,.
he said rather loudly,
---NO!...--- she replied,....Why would I want you to go into such nonsense...but here is what you will do...
you will walk into Mr.Morton's office...and walk directly to him...and give him your best slap ever,,,---
Thomas Mitty pinched himself to assure himself that he was not dreaming...oh...what a joyous moment...
Inside his head his inner voice yelled---...Thank you Jesus!....I mean thank you Mrs.Janworth!---
And he marched straight into Mr.Morton's office ,and the mean boss barked at him for not knocking,and the next thing you could hear is the loudest pop you could imagine,just like he would swing the fish at his opponents in the fisheu games,he had slapped Mr.Morton to the ground.After that a series of shocking events seemed to overwhelm Thomas.Mr,Morton had him thrown out into the sidewalk by the security guards,and soon enough he learned that Mrs.Janworth had used him,that she was not God but the computer had lied to him because she set it up to do so,and that he was unemployed.
Like I told you,the world was not yet perfect.
                                                                      THE END.....next,as always ,the spanish version.

REFLEJOS DE LA CRISIS .copyright de Carlos de la Parra.

ANTES DE QUE SIGA LEYENDO SE LE ADVIERTE QUE LA NARRATIVA QUE ESTÁ A PUNTO DE LEER CONTIENE ESCENAS DE FUERTE CONTENIDO DRAMÁTICO.
Si es usted el tipo de persona que no soporta el humor negro o chaquetas con motivos navideños
NO SIGA LEYENDO.

Las tres microhistorias que se suceden a continuación ,solo tienen la intención de despertar a la humanidad del tremendo guamazo que nos han pegado los causantes del colapso mundial,a quienes les deseamos que Dios los tenga a fuego lento.Son 3 éstas historias breves,y si no resultan de su agrado,de cualquier forma recomiéndenos como un acto de mala leche.

UNA.

----...SÍ...llama usted a la sala de emergencias...diga...---

---...es que se me han desprendido todas las partes del cuerpo...me urge una ambulancia...---

---...Pero si se le han zafado todas las partes del cuerpo...¿Cómo hizo para llamar?....----

---...es que ...aún me queda la garganta...----

DOS.

----....Soy yo, de nuevo...al que se le han caído las partes del cuerpo...si fuera usted tan amable de darme los precios por día en el hospital...---

---...bien...con todo incluído...o sea ...hospital...atención médica...tratamientos...lo demás que se acumule...hombre...calcule unos diezmil por día por la enchilada completa...----

---...bueno...y ...¿Cuanto me costaría excluyendo todos los servicios...usted sabe ...la crisis...ando en quiebra...---

---...Pues siendo así...lo podemos acomodar en la bodega en forma gratuita....----

----...sí...eso deme...el gratuito...---

---...Sólo le advierto que si le hospedamos ahí,en ése sitio no está permitido morirse...a la menor señal de agonía o muerte,seguridad lo pasa a dejar con el amigo o pariente más cercano...entienda no queremos líos ni de autopsia ni de necropsia...---

---...no se preocupé que no lo haré ...además por nada del mundo me perdería poder gastarle a mi cuñado la broma pesada de dejarle un cuerpo en la sala...---

TRES

---...Oiga...nuevamente llamo yo...cancéleme la ambulancia...---

----...pero...¿Exactamente quien es usted?...---

---...soy...al que se le están cayendo las partes del cuerpo...---

---....¿Ha estado usted mejorando?....

---...por el contrario...me encuentro peor...---

---...Siendo así.. ¿.por qué cancela la ambulancia?...---

---...resulta que por fin encontré la póliza de seguro contra desmembramiento...y prefiero quedarme yo con el dinero...a que lo fuése a querer cobrar el hospital..---

---Bien...entonces le cancelaré...oiga...¡Enhorabuena!....

                                                              FIN.  siga buscando en éste sitio...más microhistorias por leer..