Getting the Nobel Prize in literature was something very special to me.Other star writers had thought it was just another natural consequence of their stardom,and the million dollars down payment wasn't bad ,plus all the royalties they would get,and then the ones who were left out when they should deserve it,but such is the nature of awards,you can not escape politics and many factors get weighed in to make you the chosen one,and incredibly so,specially to me as I was sitting at the ceremony ,and hearing my name called produced something akin to a movie sound effect reverbaration in my ears,it is embarrasing to admit so much joy at being laureated in one's own profession, but I was in a trance,and proceeded to walk to the stage to give my acceptance speech,and believe me,it was not so much the million bucks and the glory,but something more personal,call it justification ,call it whatever you want,but all my life I had been ,
:the poor son of the rich family,all of them always looking down on me because I never wanted to spend my life in adoration of the golden calf,shunning me because of my poverty,not having myself or my wife and kids invited to parties at my father's house,always referring towards me as some sort of misfit because of my dedication to writing,and to all the other gigs that any poor artist must go through to survive,and now this.....it is like being rescued back into dignity,from now on this annointment turned me into an honorable ,bona fide,recognized genius,and this felt good,so good, that walking up the steps that led to the podium was a bit like floating on a heavenly cloud:
and then I saw the faces of the queen and the king of Sweden,and the rest of the dignitaries along with the other Nobel winners ,they all smiled at me;it was like croossing a treshold that led me into a secure zone,beyond all the humiliation,all the crappy little jobs that had taught me the toils of suvival in everyday life.
As I set my foot on the top tier ,the entire room seemed to spin around me as if trapped by a tornado,and that's when I started to fall backwards,feeling my flight going in slow motion,perhaps I had already fainted and lost consciousness,so that explained my long drop in mid air and the sensation that I had been pushed down from the top of a skyscraper and gone into a non stop descent into a vaccum,and as I fell,every second turned into a regression of my own past,yes ,now I had become a spectator of that old cliché of a dying person watching one's own life like a movie reel going backwards,and went back into childhood,then as a baby,and right then every sequence sped so fast it was the exact instant when I knew that death had arrived and robbed my gift of triumph for me to enjoy,getting consolation only from the thought that my passing away on such a stage would enlarge my own story,into a legend.But no ,the fall continued past babyhood ,to fetus,to sperm,to cro-magnon and to the monkey,and then I realized that the whole thing was only a Darwinian nightmare.
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